Archive for the ‘Love and Marriage’ Category

Recently, I challenged my church to take the 30-Day Sex Challenge.

OK, I’m not that “cool”. I stole the idea from another pastor who tried this years ago at his church in FL.  See the article 

In a nutshell, the challenge is:  If you’re married, work on PLEASING YOUR SPOUSE physically and emotionally over the next 30 days. If you’re single, COMMIT to ABSTINENCE.

The reasons?  1) Singles are deceived. 2) Marriages are falling victim to all kinds of temptations and bombardments.

First, singles believe that “playing the field” or living together before you’re married is the answer to a more fulfilling sex life. Actually, it isn’t.  See article This unbiased sociological study says that cohabiters are MORE LIKELY to never marry, to get d ivorced (if they get married), to have extramarital affairs, and be less satisfied sexually.  No thanks.  I love this article because it doesn’t come from a Christian source, yet it upholds the values outlined in the Bible for saving sex for marriage. It contradicts the lie that most singles pursue on a regular basis.

Second, marriages are losing battles on several fronts. Well-meaning married couples aren’t being intentional about PLEASING each other anymore.  They are stressed and overwhelmed. Their energy is sapped.  Some haven’t been intimate in months. Some have lost their romance all together.  There HAS to be a SOLUTION. There has to be something BETTER THAN THIS.

The rescue?  SEX.  Sex was created by God for the mutual enjoyment of a couple in the wondrous bond of marriage. It was the literal ACT that defined marriage in the Bible. It was the one thing that differentiated a marriage relationship from others.  What if a husband and wife had such a strong bond relationally, emotionally and physically, that they could easily repel any temptation?  What if all their needs were met by their SPOUSE?  What if they were so SATISFIED with each other that they didn’t need to seek fulfillment elsewhere.  That’s why the challenge is important!

Proverbs 5:18-20 (MSG) 18 …Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! 19 Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! 20 Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a [prostitute]? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

Isn’t the Bible great?  Enjoying your spouse is ENCOURAGED in the BIBLE!  This weekend, we honored some couples who had been married the longest. We had two couples in our church who’d been married over 50 years!  The secret to their success?  They have never stopped dating each other. They enjoy each moment with each other and they see each day as a  new adventure.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 (MSG) 9 Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God’s gift. It’s all you get in exchange for the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one! 

Will YOU take the 30-day Sex challenge? 


I get asked this question all the time.

How far can I go without “going all the way”? How much can I do without doing too much?  How far to the edge can I get without falling off?

God’s picture is much different.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NIV) 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Out of all the sins mentioned in the Bible, sexual sin is the only one God says to RUN FROM. It’s like a tractor beam. It appeals and entices. God says DON’T stand and fight, FLEE!  Why? I believe that while every sin is equal in terms of how it separates us from God,  no sin has a greater earthly consequence.  Sexual sin ruins families, breaks trust, destroys marriages, taints ideals, creates false identities, manipulates and deceives.

The real question should be:  How far away can I get from something that can kill me?

Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

What does “not even a hint” insinuate? Are you encroaching on that line or as far from it as possible?

What are your boundaries?  Maybe it’s time to redraw your lines.  Where are you tempted the most to sin sexually?  Movies? Pornography? Second glances? Prolonged hugs? Putting yourself in compromising dating situations? Clothing?  I read this week about a Victoria’s secret model who quit her job for her faith.  (don’t worry–very tasteful article) She felt her job was crossing her boundaries.  Now THAT’s drawing a LINE!

Our boundaries: My wife and I have exchanged passwords on our emails and facebook accounts.  We allow each other to view our txt conversations whenever.  We can check browser histories & have software to monitor sites we visit. We will NOT be alone with someone of the opposite sex.  Those are some of our boundaries. We don’t BREACH them because we care about TRUST in our marriage.  Sound a little drastic? Maybe. But it works for us.  What are some of your boundaries?

Jesus said it this way:

Matthew 5:27-30 (NIV) 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off & throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

He was talking about how to deal drastically with sin in your life.  What are some drastic measures you need to take?

What do you need to “gouge out” or “throw away”?  Stop going to the gym, Quit your jobCancel your internet, Don’t return a txt msg, Drop internet coverage, Change your Cell phone number, Remove them from Facebook, Don’t meet for lunch

Sound over-the-top? Ya maybe. But I’d rather be extreme than lukewarm.  I’d rather leave no doubt on honoring God and pleasing my wife.  I think I read that somewhere once.

How far is too far?